The First Seed

The shitty first draft. Let’s be honest, new beginnings are exciting but also scary. You’re sitting in front of a new journal — the blank white page staring back at you, the cap of the pen taken off, ready to write. So many ideas, aspirations, possibilities — but also, that little voice in your head: ‘What if I fuck it up?!’ Especially if the thing you’re about to start actually matters to you.

To be fair: that is a possibility. But it’s not the only one. So what if we rephrased it instead? What if we embrace fucking it up? What if, instead of getting stuck researching, planning, and preparing — which, to be honest, I’m really, really good at — we embraced taking the first step? Embracing the messiness? And just go for it — overthinking and all. 🙃

For the longest time, I was stuck on trying to get a certain outcome when I began something new. Chasing a goal, in a set time frame, in a certain way. But when I decided to learn coding, my curiosity took over — and as I embraced the journey, I learned something beautiful: life has a way of working out. And most endeavors do too. It rarely happens exactly as planned. Nor do I reach the initial goal every time. But it always brings me closer. And… not starting? Never leads to anything real — except for that awful feeling of being stuck, resenting not having started, and the thought of ‘what if?’

So. This is me. This is my digital garden. And I have soooooo many ideas for this place. 😊
But I’m not a writer — yet.
I may not be a 10x fullstack developer.
I’m barely a speaker. (Having done one lightning talk in my life.)
And I’m still trying to figure out my neurosparkly brain.

What is the point of this post? Really… nothing more than a first step. To get out of my head. And get going. Some random thoughts, written down, checked for spelling errors, and published. A shitty first post. 💚